The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
