I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
