are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
