I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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