Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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