you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
