Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
