What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
