Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize