Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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