oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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