thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
