i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
