for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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