sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
