Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
