I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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