i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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