yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
