just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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