We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
