At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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