Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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