"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
