Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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