All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Define "chronic" masturbator.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
