Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
