Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
