Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
