I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
