i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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