Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will pee on everything he values.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
