you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She told me I should be a condom model.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
