I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think my moral compass just broke
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