what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
