I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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