So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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