she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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