My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The uberlube is also flammable
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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