Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
