she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
