wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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