his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
