Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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