just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize