Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
