he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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