Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize