Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
