You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Michael Bay diarrhea
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
