hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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