If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
