WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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