I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
