I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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