I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
