He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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