PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
