So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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