my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
