Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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