Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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