We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
