im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
