I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
