Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
