Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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