So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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