I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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