"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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