My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
