I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
