Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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